Games 202-206 (COPA MELANIA Playoffs and FINAL)

Game 202: Brolecia-Kalesthesia (SEMIFINAL) (08-24-299)

The Technical Information:

Final score: BROLECIA 5 - KALESTHESIA 1
Played in: Stade Voisionçalle, Sherz, Brolecia
Attendance: 52,000
Referee: Hajib El-Nussini (Djeriga)
Goals: Funchzal (KAL, 4th), James (BRO, 34th), Howard (BRO, 46th), Montagne
(BRO, 59th), Horunard (BRO, 70th), Horunard (BRO, 81st)
Yellow Cards: Kattsi (KAL, 34th), Klondike (BRO, 44th)
Substitutions: Grenzer for D. Ozi (BRO, 45th), Agundes for Funchzal (KAL,
51st), Horunard for James (BRO, 56th)

Match Commentary:

Brolecia Conceding A Goal? Unheard of!

Brolecia finally concedes a goal in the Copa Melania, to a Kalesthesian
attack that defied the odds in actually scoring a goal.

The Barons started off defensively, thinking that the Kals would attack.
They did, Brolecia were right, but regrettably for them, the Kals broke
through after four minutes, and that led Lothar Funchzal to score from a
brilliant crossed header*. Brolecia was losing for the first time in the
tournament!

However, the Kalesthesian attack was not strong enough to break through
again, so they stopped trying around the 20th minute, and shut up shop for
defence. Brolecian Captain Dominic Ozi noticed that not long after, and
felt that their team was obliged to attack. But the Kalesthesians still had
plenty of energy left for the defence, and the Brolecians only managed to
score one goal in the rest of the first half, and even that was from a
penalty, taken by Wylie James.

Half time came around, and the Brolecians were tying with the Kals. This
was also unheard of. The Brolecian fans had come to accept their constant
goal scoring as their twisted version of fútbol bovino, so it was
refreshing for them to see some action. One substitution was made, Dominic
Ozi being taken off for fatigue.

Straight away, when the whistle went, Tyrone Howard started to go hard out,
and scored the next goal very quickly. The fans celebrated, and waited
expectantly. It took another thirteen minutes for Guy Montagne to score
Brolecia's third, and from then, it pretty much looked like they would win
it from there.

The Brolecians attacked only moderately for the rest of the game, and
Fabien Horunard, substituted for Wylie James only three minutes before the
Guy Montagne goal, scored two easy goals, because the Kalesthesian defence
was tired. One of the goals was a brilliant solo run*, and the other, a
passing ploy with a three forward attack. Fabien is also rumoured to be
looking to a contract in Namuria, in their religious soccer league.

Brolecia won 5-1, but the Kalesthesians proved a point there, showing that
they can maintain a defence for a period of time.

Brolecia goes on to play San Patricio at National Bank Stadium in Liston,
in the final of the Copa Melania. Kalesthesia goes on to play Afrazure
Altlandique in Medhinou, for third place.

The Technical Information:

Final score: SAN PATRICIO 3 - AFRAZURE ALTLANDIQUE 2
Played in: Estadio Nacional, Puerto Bravo, San Patricio
Attendance: 88,889
Referee: Barry Vassiliev (Eastern Zartania)
Goals: Smith-Jones (SPA, 47th), Jubala (AZA, 51st), Nagumi (AZA, 79th),
Madyarbanya (SPA, 81st), Khaled (SPA, 90th)
Yellow Cards: None
Substitutions: Telakah for Abdullah (AZA, 52nd), Madyarbanya for Szembathy
(SPA, 60th), Nagumi for Jubala (AZA, 61st)

Match Commentary:

The Flying Saints edge it out!

San Patricio was expected to win this one, and convincingly, despite the
critics' criticism of their result against Kalesthesia, at this same
stadium. What it turned into, was fútbol bovino to begin with.

The fútbol bovino was there for the entire first half, each team didn't
want to take any chances, and played defensively. The fans once again
displayed their bums, and threw milk. Srd'an Vladinovic of the Vexillium
Proctology Guild, commented about the asses being much cleaner than the
last game against Kalesthesia, and considering that those of the
Kalesthesian game were good, it was a remarkable achievement. He also asked
what '¡Groncos! ¡Groncos! ¡Juegan Como Groncos!' meant. When he was told
the translation, he fumed, saying that the Hurricanes are one of the most
vibrant teams on the planet.

After the break, both teams took 180° turns, and attacked like crazy. It
didn't take long for Roberto Smith-Jones to put the first goal in the back
of the net, but it didn't take long for the Afraqis to respond in kind, by
rebutting with Ngomo Jubala's goal. The teams were tied again, and
concentrated on their defence, again. The bovine football set in again, but
Afrazure were the first to surprise the opposition by starting their big
attack. The substitute, Flori Nagumi, scored the next in highlight-reel
fashion, with a solo run of tremendous proportions, which could be traced
back almost to their own 18 yard box*. San Patricio then responded with an
attack of their own, with Mathiasz Madyarbanya, their own substitute, just
back from injury, scoring a goal of his own.

This was definitely not cow-like football by any fan's standard. They were
riveted, and watched the teams scramble back and forth at a furious pace.
There was only one more goal, Abdul Khaled scoring a crossed header only
one minute before the end of injury time*, making sure that the San Pats
were going to Liston for the final, and it wouldn't go into extra time.

Los Santos Volantes will fly to Liston to play Brolecia in four days time
at the National Bank Stadium, for the final. Afrazure Altlandique heads
back home for the third place playoff against Kalesthesia.

The Technical Information:

Final score: WWWW 0 - OOST-OTAGO 3
Played in: Ochre Field, Woo City, Wwww
Attendance: 15,000
Referee: Alfredo Hugo (Drinomar)
Goals: Zipf (OOO, 55th), Milchweiß (OOO, 88th), Flenthz (OOO, 90th)
Yellow Cards: Adelbert (OOO, 19th), Puantulura (WWW, 45th), Maulpeck (OOO,
69th)
Substitutions: Russ for Hoffnig (OOO, 45th), Flenthz for Torrent (OOO, 60th)

Match Commentary:

Oost-Otago beat Wwww nicely!

Oost-Otago won over Wwww in convincing style in the second half, yet in the
first, it was not so.

The Woos could be grateful that their fans were not followers of La Vaca de
Fútbol, because if they were, the VPG would be giving an earful about the
calibre of Gronkian fans. The first half was not particularly exciting,
with about three chances for Wwww, and two for Oost-Otago. The midfielders
dominated, and not much energy was exhumed.

The second half, however, was much different. The pace experienced a jump
from the first whistle, and before long, each team was attacking hard and
fast. The Woos had just as many chances as the Triple-O's, for example, in
the 51st, Inoke Tungatulum had the ball passed, and got the ball past
Sibbel no problem, but he screwed up, and slotted the ball to the side.

Four minutes later, the first goal of the game was scored, Zipf easing one
past the forlorn Woo keeper. Taipe Mungatopi had done a shocking job, he
hesitated in the no-man's land between the goal and the ball, which made
him reach the ball too late, enabling Zipf the goal.

After that, Oost-Otago decided that a one-goal cushion was enough, and shut
up shop for the rest of the game, concentrating on the defensive aspects.
But towards the end, the Oost-Otagan forwards started a charge up field,
and Hans Milchweiß was the one who scored the second goal of the game.

Not long after that, just in the start of injury time, the substitute,
Flenthz, scored Oost-Otago's third goal of the game, certainly clinching
the Triple-O victory.

Oost-Otago are now the official fifth-placers of the Copa Melania, and Wwww
the sixth-placers. There are only two more games to go in the Copa Melania,
the third place playoff, Afrazure vs Kalesthesia at Medhinou, and Brolecia
vs San Patricio in Liston, the final.

The Technical Information:

Final score: AFRAZURE ALTLANDIQUE 3 - KALESTHESIA 6
Played in: National Stadium, Medhinou, Afrazure Altlandique
Attendance: 17,500
Referee: George Caplick (Watts & Mealing)
Goals: Obangui (AZA, 9th), Qarza (KAL, 18th), Durel (AZA, 44th), Funchzal
(KAL, 46th), Funchzal (KAL, 48th), Nagumi (AZA, 60th), Qarza (KAL, 79th),
Ix (KAL, 82nd), Divalis (KAL, 90th)
Red Cards: Kattsi (KAL, 33rd)
Substitutions: Durel for Moloko (AZA, 33rd), Agundes for J. Malin (KAL,
45th), Cherche for Utzkay (KAL, 50th), Nagumi for Jubala (AZA, 51st)

Match Commentary:

Nailbiter turns into runaway win!

Despite the home field advantage, the Afrazureans Altlandiques lost, with
what seems a large scoreline, but was actually behind a tense game.

At the beginning, the Afrazureans wanted some points on the board. That was
no problem for them, and Calvin Obangui broke through the Kalesthesian
defence at nine minutes to score the first of the game's nine.

But after that, the Kals didn't take long to get annoyed, and wonder-boy
Kristian Qarza scored his seventh goal of the tournament with a lob-header.
Jürgen Malin lobbed it, and twenty yards away, Qarza headed it past Abdul
Oufkir, and into the net. It was suddenly tied again, and each team thought
the other would attack. That was not the case.

Fifteen minutes after the Qarza goal, Mario Kattsi got himself carded in a
dangerous tackle on Akhbar Moloko, which got both players sent off, but
only one replaced. Afrazure thought that they had it made from that point
on, one man up. They were wrong in the long run.

Just before the break, about two minutes before the end of injury time,
Laurent Durel, the substitute for the injured Akhbar Moloko, scored the
third goal of the game, to put the home side one up, and confident going
into the dressing room. But they were to receive a dressing down by Coach
Tanguay, complaining that chances were coming, but they weren't being taken.

As soon as the whistle went, the Kalesthesians started going hard-out,
especially Lothar Funchzal, who scored the next two goals in under three
minutes, despite not having an eleventh player. All in a flash, the
visitors were one up, and the Afrazureans assumption of having it made was
suddenly decimated. After another twelve minutes of scrappy offence, Flori
Nagumi, another Afrazurean substitute, scored his fourth goal of the
tournament, drawing the home team equal. Governor-General Jengling had
urged his colony to get out there and support their team, and they
certainly did, making the stadium hold 4,000 more than their stated
capacity. And the crowd helped with the cheering.

But the Afraqis had learnt from their arrogance, and knew there was a
bronze medal to win, and if they had to do it on penalties, then so be it,
but they did not want another Kalesthesian goal at all. So they did hold up
a very good defence for twenty minutes, and then the floodgates opened.

Golden-Boy Kristian Qarza scored his eighth and final goal of the
tournament, one remarkably similar to his first of the game, a lob-header.
The Afrazureans next priority was to "SCORE A GOAL, DAMMIT!", but in their
mad rush to get to the other end, their defence slipped, and the 10-man
Kalesthesians snuck through again, this time the midfielder Ix. The Afraqis
kept on going hard-out, although they all knew that there was no hope left.
The Kals then put the icing on their cake, and got Divalis to put his first
of the tournament in, and the last of the game.

The win for Kalesthesia gives them the bronze medal, the third place in the
Copa Melania. Afrazure Altlandique receives fourth. Oost-Otago has fifth,
and last is Wwww with sixth. There is only one game left in the Copa,
Brolecia vs San Patricio in Liston, the grand final, for all the marbles.
See you by the fountain, tomorrow night!

The Technical Information:

Final score: BROLECIA 4 - SAN PATRICIO 2 on penalties
Score At End of Extra Time: BROLECIA 3 - SAN PATRICIO 3
Played in: National Bank Stadium, Liston, Brolecia
Attendance: 62,000
Referee: Ivan Chernyenko (Ulanova)
Goals: Howard (BRO, 1st), Montagne (BRO, 46th), Horunard (BRO, 52nd),
Madyarbanya (SPA, 55th), Smith-Jones (SPA, 90th), Szembathy (SPA, 90th)
Yellow Cards: D. Ozi (BRO, 59th), Dupont (BRO, 90th)
Substitutions: Horunard for James (BRO, 45th), Madyarbanya for Verano (SPA,
45th), Szembathy for Khaled (SPA, 56th), Dupont for Ishmel (BRO, 58th)

Match Commentary:

Brolecia comes out on top on penalties!

Undoubtedly one of the best international football matches of all time was
played at Liston today, one of the most thrilling.

>From the beginning, the punters were sure that this was going to be
Brolecia's toughest test yet in the Copa Melania. The San Patrician coach,
José María O'Donahue O'Donahue, said that they could conquer Brolecia with
tenacious defence, and for the first half, they pretty much did that.

Tyrone Howard kicked off to Guy Montagne, who passed it to Wylie James, and
then out wide to Alejandro Martínez. The Bahapezian back-heeled it to
Stefan Möller, who charged up the left wing, and crossed it long to Guy
Montagne. He took a shot, but it deflected off the post. Tyrone Howard
snatched the rebound, and put it past Juan María O'Doul, for the first goal
of the match, and the only goal of the half.

The Brolecians did not want to make the mistake of underestimating the San
Patricians, they all remembered Kache, and the shock therapy that followed
afterwards against Westermarc. So they loaded up their defensive guns, and
prepared for the barrage. The Flying Saints, however, opted for the
defensive mode as well. So fútbol bovino ensued for about ten minutes, and
the Flying Fans were on the verge of showing their bums (stadium police
warned fans that the throwing any projectiles, including milk, on to the
pitch would be severly punished), when Roberto Smith-Jones broke through
and took a shot, only to be denied by Joseph Davidson, Super-Reflex-Man, in
a spectacular denial which had the ball, only just deflect off his hand,
off the post, and to Wahib Maarouf, who cleared it.

Throughout the rest of the half, there were quite a few scoring
opportunities, but neither side could convert, mainly due to the strength
of the defences. Soon enough, half time came, and the words in the both
dressing rooms centred around one thing: attacking. This was proven by the
substitutions, Fabien Horunard swapped with Wylie James, and Mathiasz
Madyarbanya went on for Speedy Verano. All four players were forwards.

Both teams came back from the tunnel to play the second half, with a clear
view of ATTACK! Monsieur Montagne scored the second of the match, in pretty
much the same fashion as the first goal. Howard kicked off to Montagne, who
passed it wide to Dominic Ozi. He took it up the wing, crossed it long to
Fabien Horunard, who shot, but it was blocked by O'Doul. Montagne was there
for the rebound, and his deadly accurate boot carried the Barons forward,
one step closer to victory.

Six minutes later, it was the turn of Fabien Horunard to reach five goals
in the tournament, with a magnificent solo run, passing McSweeny, Barek,
McCollum, López, and García, to evade the charge from the falling O'Doul by
literally jumping over him, all the time having the ball under control.
After that, there was nothing but air between Horunard and the goal, so the
Barons went three-nil up, and it was pretty certain that the Barons would
win, and have the piece of silverware to hold in Liston.

However, the substitute recently come back from injury, Mathiasz
Madyarbanya, had other ideas, wanting the silverware in Puerto Bravo
instead. He managed to get past the three Brolecian defenders, Maarouf,
Ramudeira, and Klondike, to place shot that curved round Joseph Davidson,
and in to the top left corner. The San Patricians were still a long way to
go from the victory, but it was a start, a single step up the three goal
mountain.

Lajos Szembathy came on for the fatigued Abdul Khaled, for his first
appearance in the tournament. Two minutes after, Alex Michaels killed two
birds with one stone. He took off the tired Ezekiel Ishmel, and replaced
him with a defender, so they could start the defensive haul, with 4-3-3.
Ramudeira and Maarouf moved wide, while Klondike moved up to left-centre
back, leaving Gerald Dupont to fill right-centre back.

And Michaels could not have been more correct when it came to the
assumption of needing the defence. The San Patrician forwards used all that
they had in attempting to break the Brolecian defence. Despite the constant
attack, Joseph Davidson rarely touched the ball, the defence usually being
too strong. But, on some occasions, the San Patricians got shots off, but
usually they were wide or high.

In the final ten minutes of regulation time, the pace stepped up to
pandemonium, as the Santos Volantes desperately tried to make up two goals.
They were rewarded, when Roberto Smith-Jones got past Dupont and Klondike,
to put a hard, low shot behind Joe Davidson, and that put the San
Patricians only one step away from extra time.

Exactly forty-nine seconds later, Gerald Dupont made potentially the most
critical foul of his career, by fouling Roberto Smith-Jones on the most
controversial call in the tournament. The camera replays showed the foul to
be clearly outside the penalty box, but Ivan Chernyenko ruled it to be
inside the box, to the displeasure of the Brolecian fans, and the
delightment of the San Patrician.

Lajos Szembathy was elected to take the penalty, a new-comer to
international football who was playing in his first international. One
could see Lajos Szembathy shaking, but Joseph Davidson had super-cooled
liquid in his blood, with nerves of steel. Szembathy took the shot. Joseph
Davidson had picked the direction correctly, and he got a touch on it. But
the touch was not enough to put it out, and so it went in to the goal. The
San Patricians, who only 35 minutes ago were down three goals, were now
heading in to extra time, in the final of a continental championship.

Extra time, ironically, was two fifteen minute periods of bovine football.
Each team did not want to take any chances when it came to defence, and
Brolecia beefed up theirs by shifting Dominic Ozi and Tyrone Howard back
two positions, to create a 5-3-2 formation. There were only a few brief
moments that looked like chances, and each side had roughly the same
number. After half an hour of Gronkian football, it was down to penalties.

This was the ultimate test, the decider, and National Bank Stadium had
suddenly turned in to a giant pressure-cooker, capacity, 61,000 humans, and
twenty-two footballers.

First up was Tyrone Howard against José María O'Doul. O'Doul was a bucket
of nerves, and so was Howard. Howard approached the ball straight on, and
put it low and right, and into the net.

Second up was Mathiasz Madyarbanya, against Joseph Davidson. He took the
penalty from the left hand side, but the ice-cool Joseph Davidson
interpreted his facial expression as showing 'The Cheeky Bastard Routine',
ie shooting the penalty in the same direction that you came from. Davidson
picked the side correctly, but Madyarbanya put the shot off the post and in
to the goal. The teams were tied at one a piece.

The second Brolecian striker was Stefan Möller. He is mainly renowned as a
midfielder, yet his shooting powers, especially in clutch situations, are
legendary. Stefan took a pathetic shot, by his standards, but luckily for
him, 'Bucket-Of-Nerves' O'Doul dived the wrong way.

The next San Patrician striker was Abdul Khaled. He was experienced in
these situations, and had no problem in putting the ball where it belonged,
in the back of the net. So far, it was step for step, at two a piece.

Striker number three for Brolecia was Fabien Horunard, who tried 'The
Cheeky Bastard Routine' on O'Doul. It worked, although O'Doul dived in the
right direction.

The next shot was where it got interesting. Joseph Davidson recognised the
look on Roberto Smith-Jones' face, 'The Cheeky Bastard Routine Number Two',
ie thinking that the keeper would think that they'd try a different tactic,
yet they use the same tactic again to put it in. So Davidson went for the
direction that Smith-Jones came from, the right side, and blocked the ball
down. The ball bounced fifteen feet in the air, and came down on the top of
the net. Brolecia was now ahead, three - two.

This was now absolute pressure time for Guy Montagne. Fortunately for
Brolecia, Guy Montagne is the most experienced striker, and out of the
whole team, is able to handle pressure best. If this shot went in, then
Brolecia would win the Copa Melania, and Guy knew it. But he just put that
out of his mind, and blanked out the only sound remaining, that of the San
Patrician fans, trying to put Montagne off. That was in direct contrast to
O'Doul, who was absolutely stricken with nerves. He also knew that this was
the ultimate shot of the Copa Melania, but was absolutely helpless to do
anything about Montagne's shot, which sailed in three inches from the cross
bar, and three inches from the left goal post. BROLECIA WON!!!

Celebration ensued throughout the stadium, and it was announced that there
would be a parade down King Street tomorrow to honour the new champions.